A very Valentine's edition of The Gasp!
It’s difficult to find something new to say about romantic love.
New Love, Old Love
It’s difficult to find something new to say about romantic love. I think it’s easier for me to write about the other kinds of love – love of children, friends, family, work passions, travel, pets, even ketchup (okay, maybe not ketchup, but I love ketchup and recently read a vintage New Yorker article about all the kinds, hundreds of kinds, and the creativity and experimentation leading to them, stories that I found amazing!).
Romantic love is complex. I would argue it’s more difficult to sustain than the other kinds.
It seems like one story.
People meet, feel drunk with attraction, hope for a future, learn to know each other better, then comes a commitment. Life hands out challenges and complexities, sought or unsought, unexpected twists – loss of money, health, sometimes even hope – unexpected triumphs, too, a reluctant father shocked by his adoration of a child, a lucky job that leads from an apartment to a home. If two people are lucky, they survive the hard times. Maybe they part. Maybe they will reunite. Maybe it works.
When they do, I believe it’s because they can somehow remember how it felt to be drunk on love at the beginning. Sure, you sober up over time. Only the luckiest or most optimistic still feel a thrill every time a partner walks through the door. I’ve known couples like that, whose old love strongly echoed their new love despite the worst possible bumps in the road – betrayal, for one. I’ve envied them and wondered about their secret.
Now I think that most of those who kept their love alive did so because they idealized the other person. It’s such a key thing, it seems. Loving someone means setting that person above, considering him or her more appealing even than you are, feeling lucky to be their chosen one. That’s no small thing. It needs effort, vision – a good memory as well as a memory for good.
During a particularly rough row in her marriage, a friend said to me, “Sometimes I forget how much I loved him once.”
To persevere in hope when a relationship is an obvious disaster is foolish. But to persevere in hope when the bad things are very real, but the good still outweighs them, is heroic.
Don’t give up too soon. -JM
HOT READING TIP
I’ve been reading the historical novels of Scottish Writer William Boyd, including Brazzaville Beach and An Ice-Cream War. They’re remarkable to me for two reasons. One is that Boyd tells stories in an old-fashioned way: he takes his time, examines each character’s context in detail. The other is that his examination of manners and prejudices is unstinting but not in the least bit preachy. He employs comedy in the way a writer should.
These reads require patience. They’re worth it.
HOT LIFE TIP
I worry all the time that I’m not getting enough sleep. It keeps me awake, how much I worry about sleep. Plenty of recent research, however, seems to hint that it may be natural for human beings to sleep for a while, then wake up and do something else, then sleep for a while more.
One of my resolutions for this year is to stop worrying about how much sleep I get and figure that if I still have my marbles, I’m probably getting enough rest (although, as one of my kids points out, how do I know that I actually do have my marbles?).
I have a sticker nearby that says PROUDLY PRO NAP. Relax, is my advice.
HOT WRITING TIP
Three great adjectives on a page and maybe (maybe!) just one adverb. It’s a piece of advice a writer I admire once gave me.
HOT RECIPE TIP
Jackie’s Super Swell Big Hit Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
You will be shocked by how much difference the brown butter makes!
INGREDIENTS:
2 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks)
1 1/2 cups packed dark brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg + 1 additional egg yolk, at room temperature (I don’t know why but it helps!)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon plain Greek yogurt (the secret ingredient)
3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
3/4 cup milk chocolate chips (or sub dark chocolate chips)
sea salt, for sprinkling on top
DIRECTIONS
To brown the butter, add it to a large saucepan over medium heat. The butter will begin to crackle, and then eventually foam. Use a whisk, and keep whisking until it’s golden brown.
After a couple of minutes, there’ll be a nutty kind of smell. At that point, put the butter in a cool bowl to keep it from burning, and let it cool.
With an electric mixer, mix the brown butter and sugars, then beat in the egg, egg yolk, vanilla, and yogurt. In a separate large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and beat on low-speed just until combined. Add chocolate chips and mix on low speed until just incorporated into the dough.
Chill your dough for 2 hours in the refrigerator, or up to 12-24 hours. The chilling part is KEY. Bake at 375 degrees until they’re lightly browned.
JOIN ME FOR THE DEEP DIVE SERIES
Don’t miss my Deep Dive Series with The Shit No One Tells You About Writing, which recently launched on January 16th. You still have time to join - and the next session is tonight!
Each two-and-a-half-hour weekly Tuesday session, running from 8pm – 10:30pm ET, will include an author/editor/agent/leading industry expert speaking for an hour (while referencing their own work or the work of others as practical examples of the theory they’re discussing) and then answering questions for half an hour afterwards.
Visit the website to learn more - and make sure to register today!
Hey Jackie it’s me sarah efird (refried bean) just wondering if you have thought of making cooking videos. They would be cool, I can tell you are a pro cook!!